It’s snowin’ today and that always seems to make for a good day to work on the computer, clearing off the papers on the desk, and removing the clutter that’s accumulated over the busyness of the last few weeks. It’s a mind clearing time as well, as once you get the desk cleaned off and organized you feel like your brain has decluttered some as well, and that’s when I am able to sit and think and put things into some perspective of thought.
Since we moved from the east, about 6 years now, there was a huge DREAM awakening inside of me. It had been surfacing from time to time over the years, but never had the DESIRE to see the DREAM come to reality hit so hard as when we made our move to the west. Walking out the DESIRE and the DREAM has taken many turns over the last several years, to the point that one would think I was on the verge of crazy, haha. Timing isn’t always the best of companions when we feel moved to STEP into our DREAM. Economics of our society were horrible when we made our move west, and ART isn’t something that is a priority on the list of financial goals for most families when people are working hard to keep their house payments and groceries on the table…but none the less… when the DESIRE calls…The DREAM of being an artist was screaming inside of me, I could no longer suppress the DESIRE without feeling like I was abandoning my true self any longer.
So, that being said, it’s been a wild (in a very literal sense) few years of walking this thing out called ‘the Dream’. It has not been easy, has not always been fun…but what it has been, is an incredible journey of learning more about myself, and others. It has been a fight to some degree, reaching for that thing inside of me that burns for more reality that what is easily attainable by normal standards. BUT, in reaching and moving towards the DESIRE and the DREAM within… I am finding an incredible peace even in the difficulties at times knowing the great satisfaction that I am being TRUE to self. I have finally conceded to ‘being’ and ‘doing’ that thing that ‘I was created’ for. I cannot express the satisfaction that it brings within my being, even in the hardship and difficulty I have created for myself at times, that it brings knowing I am being true to myself finally.
And…in that being true to self, what I am discovering is that the pathway to succeed is also opening up as I put my energy and efforts into the DESIRE that fuels the DREAM to come to pass. We all have DESIRES and we all have DREAMS, at least I would hope so. The biggest hinderance to moving forward and stepping out of ourselves to become TRUE to ourselves, one would imagine, finances or other social or perhaps family situations etc…but what I have discovered, is none of these things are what really hold us back from stepping into our DREAM (Destiny)… its FEAR. Fear of not succeeding, Fear of failure, Fear of where it might lead or take us… the consequences, sacrifices, sufferings etc. You name it, they are all wrapped up in one word…FEAR.
What I continue to rediscover, time and time again…when we finally get passed our FEAR, Faith opens the door to the Divine Destiny and no matter what the issues, hinderances etc… once Fear is behind us… there is only Faith, only Divine Intervention opening those doors that lead to the promise of our DESIRE and DREAMS becoming reality.
I don’t sit here saying I have achieved a state of enlightenment, but…I will say that I am closer to my DREAM and DESIRE than ever before. So, the gypsy shoes searching for that ‘thing’ are being retired, at least for now, haha. We have found our niche, our community, our place as we hunker down in this historic little town in northern New Mexico after the last several years of seeking and searching for that place that we feel ‘called to’.
I sold the little Tin Can over the holidays this last year, it was a hard choice to make, as it was like a statement of surrender to that ‘gypsy’ way of life we have lived the last 6-7 years traveling and moving and picking up our lives at every whim of new discovery. Not saying we can’t get in the car and go on a trip, but it was the ‘letting go’ of something that was such a part of the DREAM for that season of our lives, my life as a traveling artist.
I can’t tell you how much I have enjoyed the Studio that has been such a blessing. I consider it a divine working of the DREAM as I had little to do with it manifesting outside of moving in and getting to work. The space has become a sanctuary of sorts for me to thrive in, to find myself fully in without excuse. There is a ‘sacredness’ if I can use that word without offense, to the time I spend there releasing that creative ‘thing’ that resides within me. Having this space has forced me to create even greater healthy boundaries to separate work, creative work, housework, being a wife, spending time with our horses and the like. With canvas in front of me constantly at home, I never stopped painting, to take a break and do life things that are necessary to get refueled to create. So, the boundaries this studio has helped me to create have been wonderful to maintaining a healthy creative perspective.
And getting more connected within community is something I enjoy completely, it’s easy to become a hermit parked behind your canvas and indulged in your own little world…
Overall… I am thankful, fulfilled in knowing that I am moving every closer to the DREAM, that I am ever immersed in DESIRE. It has cost much, there has been a lot of sacrifice, suffering, and even some loss to embrace the DREAM… but, it has all been worth it, it all counts as the jewels and pearls, people and cirumstances that have played their role in the fulfillment of present, ever grateful in all that have played their role.
If You’re downtown in Las Vegas, NM… You have an open invitation, to come, sit a while, enjoy a coffee, some great art, and enter into conversation around your DESIRE, your DREAM…
(The upstairs balcony during Christmas off the Studio, its a wonderful space overlooking downtown historic Las Vegas, NM)